I hated being Asian

Growing up in England, I hated being Asian because it brings attention. I would walk down the street and a random stranger would say “nǐ hǎo” or “konnichiwa” to me. Often I am welcomed to places by my apparently-native language. Each Sunday when I enter my church, the same elderly man greets me with “nǐ hǎo” and a hand shake. And every time he says it hesitantly to show that he is unsure if he is saying it properly. Unfortunately, I can’t speak Mandarin (or Japanese) so I can’t participate in the banter. All you can do in these situations is to smile and nod without being rude. Or when I walk past East Asians, they would stare meticulously to see if they know me – walking through China Town was a nightmare. This attention is not praise because I achieved something amazing (I would love that kind of attention), but embarrassment for something I cannot control; it made me painfully uncomfortable and unconfident.

Since starting University, I have met new people and the number of stares, nǐ hǎos and konnichiwas have indeed increased, but I have decided to embrace this attention instead of despising it. I understand that the staring Asians are in the same position as me, a foreigner sticking out like a sore thumb in the British society, wanting to feel familiarity. Having company and knowing you are not alone in an environment where you are isolated is comforting, just like when a British person meets another British person while on holiday. I also understand that people are trying to connect with me and make me feel welcome by appreciating my culture. Every now and then you get the annoying group of youths who’d say “nǐ hǎo” or “konnichiwa” as their source of entertainment but whatever, they’re immature kids, let’s hope one day they’ll grow up. Nevertheless, I understand that most of the time, this attention is coming through good intentions and definitely not maliciously to humiliate. Therefore, I don’t feel the need to be embarrassed and instead, I feel rather empathetic and thankful.