Self Love – Rose-Tinted Spectacles

Crazy Rich Asians is actually more relatable than you think

DISCLAIMER: THERE ARE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THE STORYLINE.

Yesterday, the move ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ released in the UK, about 20 years after all the other countries but finally, it came. Of course, my mum and I went to watch it.

For me, it was so empowering.

The affluence was just for entertainment, the messages conveyed were in fact more relatable than I had anticipated. Indeed, Kwan very much focussed on rich families and their way of life, but he also emphasised the issue of natives not accepting someone because they were raised differently. Rachel Chu was Chinese-born, but she was raised in America and it is for that reason Eleanor Sung-Young did not accept Rachel as her son’s girlfriend. It was brought to my attention that the notion of having “pure blood” seems to be very significant in Asian families. However, Rachel’s courageousness in standing up to Eleanor was extremely empowering for me as a British-raised Chinese.

“If Nick chose me, he would lose his family. And if he chose his family, he might spend the rest of his life resenting you.”

The game of Mahjong was used as a metaphor where Rachel gave Eleanor the piece in which she could have won but instead, Eleanor won with that same piece. This piece represented Nick. Eleanor won the game but Rachel revealed that she had a much stronger set, had she won. Because in giving up Nick for the sake of not losing his family, she holds the most integrity, the most dignity and the most respect.

Additionally, Kwan included some great feminist moments through Astrid’s story. Astrid was a kind and compassionate mother who married a “commoner”. Michael hated her affluence and felt insignificant in her presence because he wasn’t the breadwinner. Even when they discussed his affair with another woman on the way to the wedding, he shamed Astrid for sensibly not wanting to make a scene. He said that nothing he does is significant even when he has an affair. That is so ridiculously self-centred. The fact that Astrid was the only initially accepting ‘crazy rich asian’ and was the only one who actually made “commoners” feel valued made me sympathise her a lot when she was maltreated by her husband. Of course, Astrid left Michael, and the scene of her walking out the apartment like it was a catwalk was exceedingly empowering for me as a woman.

Therefore, for the majority of us who aren’t crazy rich, you’d think you would just wistfully sit through this movie when you didn’t buy popcorn because it was too expensive but Astrid just bought a pair of earrings for $1.5million. But it is actually such a relatable and empowering story for the immigrants and the feminists.

I hated being Asian

Growing up in England, I hated being Asian because it brings attention. I would walk down the street and a random stranger would say “nǐ hǎo” or “konnichiwa” to me. Often I am welcomed to places by my apparently-native language. Each Sunday when I enter my church, the same elderly man greets me with “nǐ hǎo” and a hand shake. And every time he says it hesitantly to show that he is unsure if he is saying it properly. Unfortunately, I can’t speak Mandarin (or Japanese) so I can’t participate in the banter. All you can do in these situations is to smile and nod without being rude. Or when I walk past East Asians, they would stare meticulously to see if they know me – walking through China Town was a nightmare. This attention is not praise because I achieved something amazing (I would love that kind of attention), but embarrassment for something I cannot control; it made me painfully uncomfortable and unconfident.

Since starting University, I have met new people and the number of stares, nǐ hǎos and konnichiwas have indeed increased, but I have decided to embrace this attention instead of despising it. I understand that the staring Asians are in the same position as me, a foreigner sticking out like a sore thumb in the British society, wanting to feel familiarity. Having company and knowing you are not alone in an environment where you are isolated is comforting, just like when a British person meets another British person while on holiday. I also understand that people are trying to connect with me and make me feel welcome by appreciating my culture. Every now and then you get the annoying group of youths who’d say “nǐ hǎo” or “konnichiwa” as their source of entertainment but whatever, they’re immature kids, let’s hope one day they’ll grow up. Nevertheless, I understand that most of the time, this attention is coming through good intentions and definitely not maliciously to humiliate. Therefore, I don’t feel the need to be embarrassed and instead, I feel rather empathetic and thankful.

Too Asian but too Western to belong

I have always considered the notion of being too British to belong in Hong Kong and too Asian to belong in England – sort of stuck in limbo. My life and home is in England, but my family are in Hong Kong. I have lived in England significantly longer, but I was born in Hong Kong. I communicate better in English than in Cantonese. My knowledge of the UK is far greater than my knowledge of Hong Kong. But I value and celebrate both the British and Chinese culture equally. My mum and I absolutely love a full English breakfast, salt and vinegar on chips is definitely a winner and Mary Berry’s Victoria Sandwich recipe is my go-to baking project of the evening. The dim sum is a bit rubbish here in England but wow I can get so infatuated with a good lai wong bao. And obviously, I eat too much white rice, I cannot live without it. Thus, being both British and Chinese, where do I belong?

Honestly, I don’t feel belonged in either, but that is not a bad thing. I am very different to the natives of each place but that is what makes me special; different is great. I don’t need to fit in with everyone in order to succeed, being myself, kind, happy, a hard worker and all of that good stuff will help me succeed. What is important is being accepted by society. And that is not by changing myself to act super White or act super Asian, but by changing society’s perspective to appreciate how empowering it is to be multicultural. Being multicultural means you can connect with more people in the world, it means you can be more educated and aware of life around you, it means you can learn from others and better your own life, as well as a plethora of other benefits. Changing society – notoriously – is going to take some time, but loving our own differences is a promising step forward.